If you were able to be the best in the world at cooking one dish what dish would that be?

Like a spicy tuna roll or a crunchy dragon roll. I just think that there's already an artisanal quality of sushi that is so musical about its composition. I don’t like seafood, I don’t like fish, it makes me want to fucking puke. But there’s something about the flavor experience that is so intrinsic to eating sushi that is so interesting and cool to me. I’ve noticed while I’m eating sushi there's thought put into which flavors hit your tongue when. Sushi just reminds me so much of music and all the things that I like about making music, that I think I would really enjoy being good at making it.

What's your perfect strange creature?

I want the body of a moose. Instead of having hooves I think the front two would be like duck feet. Then the back two are like the monkey feet that are hands. We're going to do a chimera thing where the tail is a king cobra. Then it has a spinosaurus sail on its back along with giant back wings. Then the head is Jerry Seinfeld. The creature is not very funny, and it’s just walking around saying “Why can’t you do real comedy anymore?”

What would you do if you had the minions from despicable me? 

I don’t know what I would do with the power of being a monarch or dictator of a minion army. I would probably just hang out. Just let them do shenanigans. Maybe I’d have them reenact bits from the Simpsons or something. I don’t know, this is probably why I don’t have a minion army at my disposal.

Who's in your dream blunt rotation?

Someone asked me this recently and I said SOPHIE, Marsha P Johnson, and 2016 Chance the Rapper. But It’s different now. Especially if I’m allowed to walk away and just observe. If I’m just watching Theo Von, Michael Jackson, and Greta Thunberg.

If you could create a new crime what would it be?

I'm gonna make it illegal to be a fucking douchebag. Like it's gonna be illegal to be a piece of shit. It's gonna be completely up to me what constitutes being a piece of shit. I want the ability to point at someone and just be like “that’s illegal.” I don’t want to have to subject anyone to the carceral system, I just want them to have to come to me for justice. Then I’ll exile people to Antarctica or something.

Top 5 movies of all time?

1.  My Dinner with Andre 

2.  There Will Be Blood

3.  Jurassic Park

4.  The Shining

5.  The People's Joker

Along with the ortolan what other foods/acts do you think we should put a napkin over our heads for?

I mean the obvious answer is just anything on the boycott list. But then eating unseasoned, unsalted, dry chicken over rice. Like you have to be doing that shit in secret. You can’t be letting anyone see you doing that. Not even due to decadence or anything like that. It is just a crime before God, in a different way than how the ortolan is.

If you could design your own venue what would you want it to look like/have?

It would be indoors with trees and mist and things. It would look like the dark forest on the way to the Wicked Witch of the West's Castle from Wizard of Oz. Then the stage would just be like a clearing. Then there would be a space for people who want to go crazy and mosh. But I think chilling and listening at concerts is super underrated so you could lurk in the woods if you wanted to. Or wait… actually I’m changing my mind. I’d want it to look like that episode from Ed Edd and Eddie where they build a city out of cardboard. It wouldn’t even have to be a city necessarily. I’d just want it to be something tangible that would be able to trigger your imagination into thinking that you’re somewhere else.

If you could make a religion out of anything what would you want it to be based on?

Elden Ring lore. You could do it with any of the FromSoft games but Elden Ring is just so dense and well structured. Then there's allegories for all sorts of famous religious figures so everything fits. Every disparate element in that lore fits together so neatly. And I would rather enjoy being a Priest of the Golden Order. Plus the Jesus figure in Elden Ring is a trans guy which I think is really cool. I’ve thought about this a lot, I think you could easily make a religion out of that shit.

What's the best thing you've ever found thrifting? 

Usually it’s pants. Right now I’ve been in a bit of a grunge phase recently and I found my dream flannel the other day. I’ve always wanted a dark green really oversized one and I finally found it. I also would never want to get real fur but I got this fake fur coat that I really love. Really it’s always just random shit that I forgot that I wanted but I end up finding.

What artists do you think people reading this should check out?

Belgium Tree, FELIX!, a lot of you know Left at London but a lot of you aren’t really listening to her music, and I think people that think of her as a certain musician need to dig in a little deeper and listen to the range. Tracey Brakes is great. They’re not currently active but fearofmakingout, go back and listen to their discography it’s incredible. Then NUFFER and we’ll call that my list. Oh wait, this one band Oasis, I don’t know if people have heard of them