If you were a fish in a fish tank what fish would you want to be and where would you want the fish tank?

I think I’d want to be an aquatic creature more than a fish, like a snail or something. Axolotls are pretty fun. I wrote a paper in 7th grade about axolotls, I got a bad grade on it I’m pretty sure. Where would I want to be? I don’t want to be anywhere too bleak, like I definitely wouldn’t want to be in a Rainforest Cafe. You know what, I’m gonna change my answer. I think I would want to be a snail purely because any other fish you have to wait to be fed. But a snail or anything else that just eats the grime off the wall, you’re in nirvana the whole time. You get to live a pretty hedonistic life. Where the tank would be… some sort of dopamine-maxxed answer. Where’s a place a tank wouldn't get too much love? Cause then I would really get to eat. I’m gonna say a snail in someone’s “I’m gonna try to get a fish tank as a hobby” apartment somewhere.

What fast food establishment would you want to run?

I could definitely get down with running a Portillo’s just cause those seem fun to decorate. If I’m the manager though, that seems kind of hectic. So maybe one of those A&Ws in the middle of nowhere that you drive past and no one has ever gone there sort of thing. Then I would just have a back office with a tv in it and just post up. The thing about those is that they never go out of business. They’re sustaining themselves and that seems like a pretty tranquil experience. If I’m being tasked with running a fast food spot I’d want a place where I can have a hobby. I could probably maintain a garden in it. Have an eco-brutalist A&W off highway 85.

What’s your airport routine?

I am a habitual procrastinator, like the only way that I can function is for it to be the last second and I absolutely have to do it. I definitely operate at airports the same way. I’m constantly min-maxing. I check traffic for the time I have to leave, and then I wait until the exact last moment I can go. Then if I pull up to security five minutes before the flight starts boarding I can walk directly onto the plane. There’s an exciting element to it. Especially depending on the music I’m listening to. If I put on something 160 bpm or faster, then I’m going through security and it feels like a fucking rollercoaster. Then again there is an easy alternative to that, because I have missed flights, and that's to show up earlier. But I hate nothing more than just sitting in an airport. It’s the most overwhelming place in the world so I prefer to just get on and go.

Are there any scientific discoveries you hope to have happen in your lifetime?

There’s like the obvious ones like cancer and shit, which would be cool but there’s gotta be some fun ones. I think a lot of the scientific discoveries that I dreamed of as a kid are real now, but ended up twisted and corrupted for the sake of capital gain. And now the ones that I’m thinking of, there’s like no way that they would go well. Like the neuralink, I would love to interface with a computer without using my hands, but you know… If the tech has something to do with an invasive surgical procedure it probably won't end up in a good place outside of medical application. I think a big thing would be some sort of technology that could give you synesthesia of some kind. I would love to be able to turn on tasting colors and stuff. Or something that would also work if you’re reading and you could hear what was happening in the book. Sometimes I desire the sensory overload that I think synesthesia would provide, so that.

Is there anything crazy that you have on your bucket list?

It’d be cool to be some old masters apprentice in something random. I think it’d be lit to spend 10 years of my late 30s into my 40s learning under a pastry chef or something. Or like a guy who makes wood carvings. I just want one of those arcs where you find the most singularly specific op out and do that for a while. I don’t want to live my whole life without having that. It feels like a necessary completionist human experience.

If you had to be a youtuber what type of youtuber would you want to be?

My favorite type of youtubers are the people who just go off about a bunch of shit that they like. Where they’re semi-related thematically but every video is just “this is what I saw this month and I’m just gonna rant about it.” I could definitely get down with some of that. It seems so nice to just do what you would normally do but then just say it into a microphone. Then also there’s the element of being someone's comfort video. Those are some of my favorite people on youtube. Where you see that they uploaded and you just know when you get home you’re gonna be good.

What job do you think is the least trustworthy?

First of all, anything to do with real estate. Like what do you mean? And then any one of those corporate jobs where you can't tell what they do, and then they describe it and you’re even more confused. Just a job that has anything to do with controlling a market. Like doing some shit in the background with some sort of corporate entity that can affect someone's life. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to someone that has a meaningful position in the corporate world. I don't think that those people exist.

Do you have any irrational fears?

Yeah, I’m one of those people that's scared of a ridiculous amount of things. On the entry level I am entirely unwilling to watch any scary media. Then that bleeds into like 80% of the time I won't even want to watch a movie that takes place at night because it’s too dark. I still do but it’s not my preference. I don’t fuck with knives or sharp things. I really don’t like driving. I don’t like cars in general. I think it’s insane how normal cars are. They’re absolutely terrifying in every way. I used to be extremely afraid of costumes. I didn’t like not knowing what was inside of them. I now know that a guy is probably in there, which is normal, but I didn’t know that for a long time. So that freaked me out. There’s some smaller ones but I think those are my main bugaboos.

How did you react to the 2016 clown trend?

I fucking hated that whole year. That shit sucked. I never saw a clown, it never affected me irl. But I had a true paranoia of getting run up on by a clown. I did not like that at all. Everybody was like “oh this is so funny, this is so fun.” But like no. This shit is serious. This is scary. They might just be people in costumes but they could be anyone and they could want to hurt me.

If you could switch around the sounds animals make, which would you want to switch?

I’d love to make monkeys meow. You know that one R2D2 bird? The one that's basically a synthesizer? Give that to every animal. Give that to humans. I need whatever that vocal box is to be accessible to humans. And if it ever were to happen I would definitely eat my words. Immediately after saying it I considered it and it sounds like hell but if only for a moment. Only for an hour. At 5:00 on a random day every animal should be able to make dubstep with its mouth. Pleaseeeee I want to hear a little mouse sing Take My Energy by Syzy. Pleaseeeeee

What music is the best music for each season?

Winter - IDM

Spring - Bossa nova

Summer - J-rock

Fall - Midwest emo

Secret 5th season - Katamari Damacy OST

What artists do you think people reading this should check out?

polyABC, Plus-Tech Squeeze Box, and cymbals are bands that aren’t even bands anymore that I really like and would like to shoutout. Enraile makes very good electronic shit. GRRL is the DJ of the century. Tek lintowe is a super awesome multigenre producer. username made a really good footwork album recently. Old Saw is some really good ambient folk music. whiterosemoxie is gonna be huge one day, super amazing voice. Bruno Berle is the bossa nova goat for me right now. Then some visual and sound design artists I want to shout out. Kyrsive is an awesome sound designer. Kentaro makes really sick live effects. welcometoblue is a super cool photographer friend of mine. aoumemimei is a super cool animator that does a traditional pen animation sort of thing. Picassotrigger8 is another one of my favorite animators right now. And then mewgumi is the goat.